365 Days, Day 214

We could learn a lot from crayons; some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, while others bright, some have weird names, but they all have learned to live together in the same box (Author unknown)

We understand that you can't transform people who don't have internal drive and desire to create. But we also know it doesn't work to urge people to think outside the box without giving them the tools to climb out (Laurie Dunnavant)

I am intrigued. I am going for a job interview week after next. In the letter of invitation to the interview it says: Please bring with you any material you may wish to use or show in your interview. I have thought about this all afternoon and have decided on three things, one of which will be a box.

At the beginning of November I wrote about boxes and how exciting it is to get a present in a box tied with a pretty ribbon. Someone was listening: my Mommy! For Christmas I got the dove grey box tied with a red ribbon. Inside was some rose massage oil from the Bryanston Organic market, a beautiful wooden heart pendant (which I wore yesterday), a little fairy notebook and some imported choccies. Thank you Mommy and Daddy.

While thinking about boxes, I came across the pink spotted box which Nicki gave me before we moved here. In it was one envelope for each month with a letter and a photo. (I adapted this idea for my Mom for her Birthday last year: each envelope had a theme and photos relating to this theme and a little pressie, so that her Birthday lasted a whole year). Nicki’s box also had cards and letters from the theatre friends, which they brought to my surprise farewell party (Nicki collected me from my house and blindfolded me and drove me… to her house where all the friends were waiting. Wonderful afternoon). I only opened the cards and letters once we arrived here; I was very moved by the love in their words.

A box can become a metaphor for the experience of life, the intention we bring to it. Many years ago I gave my arts students a task of making a compartmented box (cardboard and papier māché) and filling it with meaningful objects that represented themselves. This was inspired by Joseph Cornell’s boxes. His work and the work of Nick Bantock (Egyptian Jukebox) captivate me.

I have to think about my box for the interview…

365 Days, Day 213

Seek not that the things which happen should happen as you wish; but wish the things which happen to be as they are, and you will have a tranquil flow of life (Epictetus)

Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained (C.S. Lewis)

Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly (St. Francis De Sales)

[This photograph was taken last July – at Ariél’s end of year exhibition. She gained a distinction for her work. Her body of work was so cohesive and to my mind, very mature for her age.]

I like the idea of entering a little cubicle somewhere quiet and white and calm where I can make ‘wishes’ for other people and myself – a wishing space.

I have tried meditating often, and it doesn’t go well. My brain is so mischievous; it roams all over the place when I try to quiet it. Just when I calm down my thoughts, a new one pops into my head. Part of the Reiki 2 course is an introduction on how to meditate, which I am really looking forward to. I would like to imagine that meditating would be like entering Ariél’s wishing space.

365 Days, Day 212

Forbidden things have a secret charm (Publius Cornelius Tacitus)

We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open (Jawaharlal Nehru)

For Christmas, Hanlie sent me a beautiful charm bracelet inside a little pouch bag – with a letter which I am copying out below:

To my dearest sister,

This little bag with all its pouches is to allow you to take all your favourite jewellery pieces with you when you travel.

I am also starting a charm bracelet to which I can add a special piece of memory each year.

When I saw the boot I could not but help think of you and how you love [boots]. When I told your kids about it, they immediately recalled your distress when taking Douglas to hospital without shoes*.

The heart is to remind you that you hold a very special place in mine.

The bag is because you love shopping [!] and the dragonfly is to remind you of summer in SA with dragonflies mating over the swimming pools**.

You made me cry, Hanlie. You sought out each of these little charms for me and put them in a bag with little pouches and wrote me a letter. I was really touched by your words and the thought that went into this gesture. Thank you, Hanlie. You have a very special place in my heart too.

It is our words and deeds that make us charming to our family and friends.

No one else can be a man or woman exactly like you. No one else can embody your soul, or project your magic or have your specific curiosity. Part lover, part artist, part god, we were born to rock the world and feel our way into each others hearts (Gabrielle Roth – 5Rhythms®)

*When I was about 20, I was at mom and dad’s house one summer day. My brother, Doug was in the garage working on something. He came rushing into the house holding one of his hands up in the other and said, “Please get me to hospital now!” I rushed with him to the car and we sped to the hospital emergency room. He had cut off the top of his middle finger in a planing machine. It was only when we were sitting at the hospital that I realised I was wearing tiny white shorts and tiny top and NO SHOES! You must understand that for me, one of greatest nightmares is being out in a public place without shoes. When I related the story to my children years later, the fact that I even mentioned “no shoes” in the midst of blood and gore and the utmost pain Doug was experiencing, was to them quite remarkable. So I haven’t quite lived this down. How could you be so uncaring? What happened to the top of his finger? Is it still in Grandad’s garage? What did they do? Did he cry? Sorry Doug! I do love you and I was very caring and concerned about you. SO concerned was I that I did go out without shoes. I was quite capable in an emergency – I learnt this about myself that day.

**Nina our beloved Houdini dog, used to go hysterical when it was dragonfly mating season. She would run round and round the swimming pool barking a high-pitched shout at the lovers hovering over the water forever just out of her reach. It drove her insane!

Now as I take my leave for today, I give you all this Irish blessing:

May God grant you always...

A sunbeam to warm you, a moonbeam to charm you,

a sheltering Angel so nothing can harm you.

Laughter to cheer you. Faithful friends near you.

And whenever you pray, Heaven to hear you.

(Irish Blessing)

365 Days, Day 211

I often think that could we creep behind the actor's eyes, we would find an attic of forgotten toys and a copy of the Domesday Book (Sir Laurence Olivier)

Seeks painted trifles and fantastic toys, and eagerly pursues imaginary joys (Mark Akenside)

It's easy for women to say they don't understand and ask a man for help. As the saying goes, boys play with toys, and girls play with boys (Tom Stewart)

We have to take along a large teddy or cuddly toy to the Reiki workshop at the weekend to practice on! I only have little ones as you can see in the photograph. I will tell you about each of them in a moment.

When I was a little girl I used to line all my toys up on chairs and give them little notebooks, which I made from folded paper. I would stand next to my little blackboard and ‘teach’ them. They would have to write a little story or do sums, which I would mark. Margaret* (the ‘floppy’ doll who has ‘voice’ that says “mama”) would always do really well. Teddy would sometimes do quite nicely and get a star on his work. Olly (the blue woollen octopus) did not do well at all, he was rather slow and often needed things explained to him again and again. I don’t remember the rest of the ‘class’.

I remember the beautiful doll that my dad brought me back from Cape Town (I am sure I have told this story before) which he gave me to on the condition that I didn’t cut its hair. I am not sure why that condition was attached to it: I had obviously cut other dolls’ hair but don’t remember. She was a lovely doll with very pretty hair. But I had this overwhelming urge (as one does) to see what she would look like with short hair. I could just cut off a little bit… I hid under my bed with Dolly and snip snip snip went the scissors. I don’t remember what happened next but Dolly was taken away from me and put in the top cupboard. I also remember a giraffe that was put in the top cupboard – I am not sure why, perhaps I snipped his mane?

And did I tell the story about Roarke and his bear? When they were little he and Kyle each got a HUGE bear for Christmas. At some stage Barnaby was left against a bedside lamp and a hole was burnt into his bottom. Roarke cried himself to sleep that night, so distraught was he at the damaged bear. I took a little square of plush velvet and patched Barnaby’s bottom. After that Barnaby had real character. I rather think Kyle wanted his bear to have a burned bottom too!

My three toys in the photo: from the left, Jackles 2, my mom’s teddy, and Jackles 1.

Jackles 1: Kyle and Roarke gave him to me for Christmas just before we left to come to the UK, so that I would remember my favourite little Jack Sparrow our Jack Russell x Chihuahua.

Jackles 2: Ariel made him for me(!) while she was at college in Cornwall, he was part of her art project. I was so touched that she made me a little Jackles!

Mom’s teddy: I gave this teddy to my mom a few years ago because she didn’t have any teddies. She sent him over to me last year for my first Birthday away from home, to look after me while I was so far away.

All three of them lived on my bed. Until Lilly arrived. She devours the eyes and noses of any soft toy she can lay her paws upon. Little menace!

* Margaret is still around (at the moment she is in storage in Horsham with the rest of our belongings) after all these years. All three of my children say she is scary, like something out of a horror movie. She doesn’t have much hair left (only a few straggly tufts) and her “mama” is little more than a choking growl now. But I hardly think that warrants the cruel remarks about her! Come to think of it, I hope she is in the toy box… maybe one of them took the opportunity to get rid of her?

365 Days, Day 210

Man is a make-believe animal: he is never so truly himself as when he is acting a part (William Hazlitt)

It's all make believe, isn't it? (Marilyn Monroe)

Definition of make-believe: (māk'bĭ-lēv') Playful or fanciful pretense; imaginative intellectual play

Today was the memorial service of Bicé. Roarke and Gina had to be there to hold Ada's hand and comfort her. We could only be there in thought. Ariél made the comment that it didn’t feel “real” that Nonna had died. She said it would only be “real” when we went back to SA and Nonna is not there.

It is almost as though life become words, from this distance. We are like actors and actresses waiting in the wings for our cue. When we hear our cue we go onstage and play our part, one more time, with feeling.

Applause! Feeling of elation. Take your bow and go back stage. Take off your costume and mask. You are left with an empty hollowness. Until the next performance.

I felt sad today because I couldn’t be at the service to hold Ada’s hand. And to say an affectionate farewell. Somehow the memorial service does make things seem “real” and gives one a chance to mentally reflect on memories and say goodbye to your loved one. To see and to hear and do. To be there.

There is no playful or fanciful pretense in my words above. Just a moment, while I dig in my dressing up drawers and pull out the pink wig (Ariél’s) and the fairy wings (oh no! Lily has chewed them!), slip into high heels, sit back and sip, my glass of flavoured water…

Oh wait: red lippie.

Tadah!

I am back> It is I…!!

365 Days, Day 209

Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! (Sandra J. Dykes)

Make a list of important things to do today. At the top of your list, put "eat chocolate". Now, you'll get at least one thing done today (Gina Hayes)

Tom gave me a box of Elephant chocolates, so one a day, will keep me happy for the next 6 weeks or so. Annastasia gave me a little tin of chocolates, which I will snack on in between the elephants. And Mom gave me some tiramisu chocolates, which I am saving for special moments. So chocolate-wise, I am sorted for the next month or so… and then it’s my Birthday!

I have come up with a list of 10 things to do with chocolate:

Eat it:

Either as it is or

Chocolate fondue recipe

250 ml cream, 100 grams dark chocolate, 100 grams milk chocolate

Warm the cream in a saucepan over low heat. Chop up the chocolates and add to the cream. Stir over low heat until smooth. Place into fondue bowl and place over the tea light candle.

Serve with selection of fresh fruits including strawberries, raspberries, pear, banana and orange or mashmallows for something different.

Melt it over ice-cream – Bar-One sauce: Break a few Bar-Ones into chunks, add a touch of milk or cream. Heat in microwave meanwhile dish up the ice-cream. Give the sauce a stir, not too much (so there are still unmelted bits) and pour over the ice-cream.

Drink it:

Either buy a rich hot chocolate from Thornton’s or make your own chocolate drink with chocolate, cream and milk.

Travel to see it:

There are chocolate tours in London - the Mayfair Chocolate tour or the Chelsea Chocolate tour, which I believe are decadently wonderful.

Or one could visit Cadbury World in Birmingham.

Watch it:

You could watch a choccy movie, like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Chocolat, whilst munching on a box of maltesers…

Read it:

Both of the movies above are books that capture and delight me. You could read about the history of chocolate, or you could read a chocolate recipe book and then make some chocolate cake…

Paint with it:

You could body paint each other (some shops like Ann Summers have little jars of it), or melt some chocolate and paint an artwork. Or let your children have a wall painting treat in the bath – make a bowl of chocolate instant pudding and give it to them to paint the bathroom wall, preferably the one next to the bath!

Have a massage with it:

I have not experienced this but have heard it is absolutely delightful. “The attraction of chocolate massage is that the chocolate aroma makes the whole experience more sensual, because of the way the chocolate relaxes most people.”

Listen to it:

Find a YouTube video of the 1970s group Hot Chocolate and listen to You Sexy Thing – this was one of the songs from the Full Monty.

Sculpt with it:

Melt a few blocks of (cooking) chocolate and then freeze it into a cylindrical form. Once hard, chisel away at and create a little chocolate man.

Have an Easter Egg hunt:

There must definitely be loads of clues and the ‘hunters’ must work out each clue in order to progress to the next clue. After about 10 clues they will perhaps find the stash?

I am going to bathe now and then have my nightly elephant chocolate.

365 Days, Day 208

Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway (Mary Kay Ash)

Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born (Dr. Dale Turner)

Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game (Voltaire)

Today Tom and I physically rearranged the furniture in our little house in Maidenbower, in preparation for Kyle and Sarah’s arrival. I guess when there is change in our lives we need to ‘rearrange the furniture’ in our minds too. We have to change thought-patterns, habits, preconceived ideas and even our rituals.

I have always loved changing furniture in my house. I regularly change rooms completely, altering not only the furniture and accessories but also the function of the room. I have not really done that here much. I cannot wait to have my own home again to change and rearrange things at whatever whim takes me. I like the idea of the family coming home and never quite sure what they are going to find… Although I must say that my three children have always been there to lug heavy wardrobes, couches, dining rooms tables, television cabinets and beds upstairs and down. They are very long-suffering. I hope through this that I have instilled in them a desire for change in their lives: that they are at ease with the idea of change and looking at things with new eyes, because some little details have been altered.

I would love to ‘change’ this furniture we have into some graceful French armoire furniture – my dream room has an armoire chaise lounge and an antique dressmakers dummy in the corner… Future doors to be opened, a renewable dream.

In the meantime we are making our home ready for the changes about to befall us – with excitement and a sense of delight we accept this change. I accept with delight and anticipation the changes on my new journey.