Saturday, December 11, 2010

365 Days, Day 187

There is always music amongst the trees in the garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it (Minnie Aumonier)

We take a risk when we open our hearts because the truth is, if we open our hearts, we will get hurt. You can’t open your heart and not have some hurt because you’re in a human experience. Even if it’s the love of your life and you have many wonderful, deepening, growing, powerful years together, it’s a human experience and that person will pass over. Love takes courage. Be courageous (Mary Manin Morrissey)

Sometimes we make love with our eyes. Sometimes we make love with our hands. Sometimes we make love with our bodies. Always we make love with our hearts (Author unknown)

I open my heart. On my terms. And only so much. If you have been let into my heart, you will have a special place there forever.

I think back over the years… to the people who have been let into my heart. There are many. My family. My friends: past, present and future. Many of the students I have taught. The crossing of our paths has left an indelible mark on my heart. I carry you with me in this life and into the next.

There are too many students to name, who have a special place in my heart, but I have learned so much from them. About Life. I have learned about Life from my own children. I have grown wise with the years – have to have some compensation for the fading looks! And with the wisdom, has come a mellowness. I no longer want to be the ‘teacher’ who guides through encouragement. I no longer feel that I have the passion for that: I no longer have anything to give.

Instead I feel a need to be quietly supportive and holistically healing. I feel a change in my outlook. Today, our leading ‘male’ in the panto was feeling faint and poorly, between the two shows. Everyone was clucking and rushing and giving her damp cloths and telling her stand up, lie down, sit with head forward, breathe deeply. When there was a gap I went to her and quietly said she should sit up and close her eyes and I would give her some Reiki. What’s that? Energy healing, I said quietly. There were of course some funny looks. But I stood with my eyes closed and did a tiny Reiki session. And then left her. She went on and performed. She thanked me afterwards for the ‘energy’. I am not sure she understood the Reiki-thing. But she didn’t need to. It felt right being the quiet amidst the ‘storm’ and frantic fawning.

I want to be earning money and have a job I love and I want a career change. And I want it all to happen NOW. But I realise: that it will take time and that my heart must be quiet to hear the guiding music; that I will get ‘hurt’ on this new path of mine. There will be steps backwards that will lead to despondency. But I need to follow my heart now; taking with me the wisdom I have gained from Life.

I believe it is my time to be quiet…

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