365 Days, Day 207

A new year is unfolding – like a blossom with petals curled tightly concealing the beauty within (Author unknown)

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day (Edith Lovejoy Pierce)

New Year's Eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights (Hamilton Wright Mabie)

Tonight is like every other night. We are spending a quiet evening at home, just Tom, little Lily and I.

But I am pensive. I think back over the year before I step over the threshold into the next one.

This year has been a difficult year for me. Before we moved here we were positive and excited. But things haven’t turned out quite the way we expected. 2009 was an adventure and we were finding our feet. Coming from a close-knit extended family, it was a huge adaption getting used to there being three of us then two of us or just me by myself.

This year after the visits to South Africa I have found it difficult to settle down and put my roots down. It has been an emotional battle for me. Also realising things like we were not going to be flitting to Europe as we had envisaged, or me selling my MG in SA and buying another one here was not going to happen – because I have not found a full-time job, and my poor Tom is carrying all of us here and still financing the home in South Africa. This has led me down paths of self-doubt, inadequacy and lack of enthusiasm. The winter has been a reflection of my inner turmoil.

BUT doing my Reiki course has made me look at things differently. I do believe that I have become much more positive in the last two months. I have much to do this coming year. The huge shift from being Mom to being just Deidré has been like a difficult birth. And yes, I am in the process of finding myself - I know my children will think: “Hippy!!” [And no, I haven’t been to a drum circle! yet! hehe].

So, 2011 represents a new beginning for me, built upon all of my wisdom and life experiences. I step out boldly, I see a long arduous path before me, but I think I have some of the skills (and will be gaining new ones along the way) to equip me for the journey.

Things I want to do this year:

Embrace my (slightly bigger) family

Reiki Level 2 and practice Reiki

Swedish massage course

Indian head massage course

Meditation

Yoga

Put feelers out into the doula course

Dance

Teach

CREATE

Move into a new home

Own a red MG

Be a good friend

Be a fantastic lover (!)

Go where my new journey takes me

Be resilient in turbulent times

Visit Findhorn again (?)

Visit South Africa – on holiday this time

Learn something new as often as possible

Embrace the new and ‘old’ friends in my life

I will take the road least trodden, though I know it will be tough, because it will lead to beautiful destinations. I am climbing out of the box and doing an awakening dance!